Notes to self... of DOOM

Notes To Self...Of DOOM!
1. Do not introduce yourself as role-playing character in public.
2. Do not talk to fictional characters in public.
3. Do not answer fictional characters in public.
4. Do not talk to inanimate objects in public.
5. Do not go out in public.
6. Disregard last number. Do number 1-4.
7. Note Expressions.
8. Don't die alone. Take many people with you.
9. Floor is slippery when wet.
10. Lake is slippery when dry.
11. Only talk to strangers you know.
12. Strangers you don't know are spies...kill them all.
13. For legal purposes be sure to delete last note.
14. Tell people about the spies that are trying to kill you.
15. Kill them for security purposes.
16. Crying doesn't solve anything. Try violent mood swings.
17. Make a scene whenever humanly possible.
18. The men in white coats are not your friends.
19. Ask them for a room full of sharp, pointy objects.
20. When that doesn't work, ask for a designer jacket.
21. Chicken soup, although good for colds, not the best cure for drowning.
22. Flammable and inflammable mean the same thing.
23. Unlike fine wine, milk does not get better with age.
24. Always remember, uh...uh...damn.
25. Train armies of flying monkeys.
26. Goldfish don't like milk.
27. Do not maim people. If you already have, kill them to avoid lawsuits.
28. Find out who invented the word 'pianist'.
29. People are staring at you.
30. So act insane.
31. People are weird but not as weird as me.
32. Do not taunt animals at the zoo. They have feelings...and teeth.
33. Little people are aggressive. Stay away from little people.
34. Going through other people's stuff is a bonding experience. Do it as much as possible.
35. You'll sometimes notice shadows late at night. Don't worry, it's only me. Bonding.
36. Never pet a burning dog.
37. Never make eye contact with a naked man. Especially if you're wearing a parka.
38. Naked men dig parkas.
39. Beware the naked man who offers you his parka.
40. You know what would look good on you?
41. Immolated cockroaches.
42. Don't worry. It's only a harmless pimento bug.
43. The size of Danny DeVito.
44. Making an amusing facial expression. Like this.
45. Numbers are evil. Count in clovers.
46. Stalking is fun. Do it a lot.
47. Make a large sign saying, "Look at me, I'm a gumnut tree."
48. No matter what people say. There is a way into your fantasy world.
49. The way is rum.
50. Constipated people don't give a shit.
51. The Ten Steps to Dying.
a. Fall down.
b. Be rushed to hospital.
c. Not be saved.
d. Be mourned over.
e. Be buried in dirt.
f. Have your grave looted.
g. Rot.
h. Rot.
i. Rot.
j. Have your bones reanimated and used for pain, destruction and terror.
52. You cannot kill the snow.
53. The snow can kill you.
54. Grass can kill you too.
55. The leprechaun on the cereal box said I couldn't get his lucky charms.
56. Catch and castrate leprechaun.
57. He is real...no matter what the men in white say.
58. Staple paper in the middle of the page.
59. In case of blank looks, laugh maniacally.
60. You are not haxxor l337 or an uberhacker or anything like that.
61. Pretend to be so around the n00bs.
62. Do not go out with voice #7. He is a sadistic, soul-sucking demon.
63. Disregard last note. Go out with demon. Who needs a soul anyway?
64. Go ask Senior Diablo for bigger pitchfork.
65. Remember to kill HIM.
66. Tell the small children in the TOYS 'R' US that the dolls have an insatiable thirst for blood.
67. Note reactions. Avoid parents.
68. The blood of infants gives unholy superpowers according to Jhonen C. Vasquez. Test theory.
69. Scream. Doctors don't like it; they give you a shot of something nice.
70. Hide the bodies. Otherwise people will ask embarrassing questions.
71. Eat the evidence.
72. But not if it’s broken glass.
73. If in the presence of someone much wiser then you, point in a random direction and shout, "LOOK, a distraction." Then run.
74. Do not tell children that Santa is fat because he eats little children.
75. Disregard last note.
76. Note reactions.
77. On average, 100 people choke to death by ball point pens every year.
78. Stock up on ball point pens.
79. Learn to fly. Tell no one.
80. The secret to flying is throwing yourself at the ground and missing.
81. Do not stick fingers in a blender.
82. Blender...Bad...Ouch.
83. Blood loss is bad.
84. Find way to reattach fingers.
85. Scream as much as humanly possible at 2AM.
86. Answer every question with a question.
87. Ask people what gender they are.
88. Note reactions.
89. Refer to people as mortal.
90. The Seagull From Hell is out to get me.
91. Kill all enemies in most disturbing way possible.
92. Star by drowning them in fire ants.
93. Find the creators of pop-up messages.
94. Kill them.
95. Brutally.
96. Teachers don't like finding notes on world domination.
97. Dunk head in boiling water.
98. Disregard last note. Was written by voice #7.
99. Gullible is written on the ceiling.
100. Investigate this whole 'critical mass' when the klaxon dies down.

*Hive efter vejret*

Fuck XD var flad af grin mellem punkt 2 og 99 og måtte flere gange stoppe op for ikke at falde ned af stolen XD . . . No seriously! It's true!

(første 5 var skrevet direkte til mig)

More Notes to Self of DOOM!
1. I don't suffer from insanity I enjoy every minute of it.
2. When life gives you lemons... MAKE YAOI!
3. It takes 47 muscles to frown, 17 to smile but it doesn't take any to sit there with a dumb look on your face.
4. If you always stop to smell the roses sooner or later you'll inhale a bee.
5. I am worse than evil... I am the author!
6. Sorry about being late...I got lost on the path of life.
7. No you don't get it you think you get it which is different than actually getting it get it?
8. There are 3 kinds of people, those who make it happen, those who watch it happen and those who don't know what the hell is happening.
9. People are boring, they are only amusing if you push them down a flight of stairs.
10. When life gives you lemons make grape juice and let the world wonder how you did it.
11. I AM NOT CRAZY! My reality is just different than yours.
12. When life gives you lemons squeeze them in somebody's eyes and RUN!
13. Uh...define 'normal' for me again.
14. There are three rings in marriage. The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.
15. It's not incest! It's brotherly love! They're different!
16. "Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!"
17. "Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings."
18. "Three blondes are in an elevator when the elevator suddenly stops and the lights go out. They try using their cell phones to get help, but have no luck. Even the phones are out.
19. After a few hours of being stuck with no help in sight, one blonde says to the others "I think the best way to call for help is by yelling together." The others agree with the first, so they all inhale deeply and begin to yell loudly "Together, together, together.""
21. Never raise your hand to your children; it leaves your midsection unprotected.
20. I ran into my ex the other day, then I put the car in reverse and ran over him again.
22. Life isn't about the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away. Like choking.
23. There are plenty more fish in the sea, but who wants to go out with a fish?
24. Some people are like a slinky. They have absolutely no use; but you can't help smile, when you see one fall down the stairs.
25. Due to recent cutbacks and until further notice, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
26. I lay at my bed last night, counting the stars, and I thought to myself: Where the fuck did my ceiling go?!
27. Ever notice how DYING is at the end of STUDYING?
28. When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch the crap out of them.
29. There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
30. I believe in luck: how else can you explain the success of those you don't like?
31. Don't you wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence? There's one marked "Brightness," but it doesn't work.
32. Money can't buy happiness, but poverty can't buy ANYTHING.
33. That which does not kill me had better run pretty damn fast.
34. Nothing travels faster than light, with the possible exception of bad news, which follows its own rules
35. …didn’t need an excuse to go over to the Dark Side…
36. True Love has no happy ending, because True Love has no ending.
37. Don't treat others as you want to be treated, treat others as they treat you.
38. Therapist= The Rapist
39. Unfortunatly, Stupid people are everywhere.
40. You know how to find out your stupid?
41. When you don't know that the numbers 20 and 21 are switched
43. And that there is no 42
44. And you don't know what the hell I'm talking about.
45. Angry woman = dead man